


a christmas miracle

by pyumii



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Christmas, F/M, but u better enjoy it, shitposting, this is a joke fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 21:47:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5514500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyumii/pseuds/pyumii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sans and reader get into the ho-ho-holiday spirit with a little alone time before sansta claus has to leave to give presents to the good little boys and girls of the world</p>
            </blockquote>





	a christmas miracle

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO this was written by me and my best friend at 2 am on christmas eve because obviously we're extremely pumped about christmas

It was about 2 am when you woke from your sound slumber. You weren't really sure what made you wake up, but you DID know that you had a hankering for cookies. You left out cookies for santa claus before you went to bed, but you were sure he wouldn't mind if you had just one, right? You tip toed downstairs to find the tree still bare underneath (just like you!), not a present in sight. Good. There was still time.

As you warbled a tune of Christness, you wobbled to the heavily decorated kitchen table covered in multiple pictures of Nicholas Cage. He was your husband. Your muse. Until the accident.... Well! Tragic backstory aside, you grabbed some Asbestos Christmas Cookies(TM) from their fireproof box and munched on them heartily. Ahh yes that fire resistant coating down your throat really did it for you. You put a cookie down your pants for later.

You munched and munched and munched, munching so munchily that you didn't even notice you had eaten all of Santa's Asbestosbread men! Oh no, what were you going to do now?? Now Santa wasn't going to have his intenstines coated with fireproof asbestos! It was 2 am, Santa was going to be here any minute, and there were no cookies in sight! Santa was going to kick your Ass(TM) for eating all of his cookies. Speak of the devil... You heard a noise from the chiminea, it sounded like... Like the most beautiful laughter you've ever heard. Hearty and deep and full of LIES. Santa was a sad man who needed cookies to keep him jolly and you went and RUINED IT ALL. GOOD JOB, SKIPPY. YOU SINGLEHANDEDLY RUINED CHRISTMAS AND NOW SANTA WAS GONNA KICK YOUR ASS.

Well this is it, you think to yourself, your about to be pummeled into a pile of balsamic vinaigrette. You fucking hate salad dressing what the fuck. Small pebbles crumbled down your chimney biscuits. Damn you really shouldn't've shoved that cookie in there. With the grace of an anteater giving birth atop an orgy of humpback whales, a giant ass lump of red fell through to the bottom of your fireplace.  
"ho ho holy fucking shit my back just gave out" a gravelly voice moaned. Oh no could it be? Sansta claus?

You quickly brushed the remaining crumbs from your chimney biscuits, an uncomfortable itch beginning to form in your nethers. You were gonna have to get that checked out. But anyway, you rushed to Sansta Claus' side, helping him up so he wasn't just laying there like a fucking slug. "Sansta Claus! Are you okay??" You screamed at a volume much too loud to be appropriate. "ARE YOU OKAY, SANSTA CLAUS??? ARE YOU OKAY??? HERES SOME MILK SANSTA CLAUS, DRINK UP, SANSTA CLAUS!!!" You began pouring milk onto his red suit, watching it cascade over it in creamy waves. He seemed to be enjoying the milk wash, but not your horrible screeching voice. He slapped one gloved hand over your mouth. "Shut the fuck up, pal." He chortled and picked up a piece of pants-cookie from the ground and ate it while staring you dead in the fucking face. "Mmm... Still warm... Still pantsy... It makes me feel kinda... Hot.... Hot for your cookies, my chum chum chummy pal buddy friend amigo compadre"

Mr.Sansta Claus was a big man...skeleton...thing....Idk but he looked super thiq. As I texted my best friend my thoughts, I was interrupted by a slight cough coming from that big lobster-y bastard. "Are you okay bone daddy? Come sit down on my bed. Not in that particular order... Call me Mother Bitch! Its the nickname my parents gave me before they succumbed to lycanthropy." I fluttered my eyelashes and patted my bed as I sat down. Flutter flutter. Flutter flutter flutter. Pbbt. Oops. Hope sansta doesn't mind being dutch ovened later. I took hold of him with my big strong arms and touched his bone titty.

Sansta Claus gasped and made a noise that sounded like a dying cat and a cow being tipped over. He grabbed your hair with his boney ass fingers and he slammed your face into his skull. "fucking OW OW OW CHRIST JESUS DICKS OW" that really fucking hurt what the fuck. why does he want to watch you burn. you struggled out of his grasp and grabbed your phone to put on the sex jams. Yup. This was Happening. sex was going Down. It was going Down to Clown Town. Your first sex jam on the list was that one song where it's like "we go to wally wally wally wally wally wally WORLD" over and over. Perfect. You smiled mischeviously at him and climbed into his lap. it was hard. something else there was hard too. hehe. hard. ANYWAY you started sucking on a candy cane and putting on a show. he was getting flustered watching you give the Succ to that candy cane. "babe.... how about u put that mouth to work somewhere important..." but you were like "fuck no im trying to finish this candy cane leave me alone for like five seconds My Man"

and so u did. You succ that candy can so hard a black hole opens up where your mouth had been. "Okay bone bubble show me your dinky doodle. Bring out the biscuits and gravy. Give us a show of the hanging dingus. Sansta took off his pants slowly inching them off as if to tease you. You would've been flustered had you not turned your attention towards your phone to see what your asscrack of a best friend was gushing about. As soon as his big blue cocker spaniel was out however, you were enraptured by its pudgy exterior as you tested the waters with your new toy. It was a remote control drone he brought you. Fucking sweet tbqh. You take in his whole blue raspberry filled éclair inside you stretching to the point where, had you not done this before, you woulde ripped yourself a new asshole

you SCREAMED but it was a good scream, and you grabbed onto his sansta hat to keep yourself from falling over due to the Immence Pleasure you were feeling. He grinned at you, gripping your hips and slamming you down over and over onto his glowing blue cock-a-doodle-doo (hey that rhymed lol) You didn't know how much longer you could take it!! your vagena was dripping with christmas spirit and you knew the little guy would be singing with christmas joy if he had a mouth. you could have sworn you heard a little tune of "jingle bells" but it was muffled. muffled by sans' blue raspberry Dong. your vagina was silenced and therefore could not sing his pleasure. god dammit. sansta claus reached down and began rubbing your Clitada with a boney finger. Oh shit. oh man. oh jeez. oh god. here it was. it was coming. ITS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THE OEGAMIOM!!!!!!!

You black out afterwards, the cool feeling of your sweat stained skin lulls both of you to sleep. You wake before sansta and due to ur large ass, you knock him on his own by accident. "What the fu- oh god damn it not again....looks like the kids in Canada aint gettin shit this year huh kid?" Sansta grinned looking at you. You didn't really feel like answering with your mouth in any other way than giving him a holiday blowjob under some mistletoe. God you could never get sick of this warm jesus chalupa. So soft and mushy. You wanted it in your ass right now and if your ass wanted something, not even obahama could stop you.

"Sansta,,, i want your magic blue dongahonger in my sweet young vagoohooper" you whispered sexily into the side of his skull because he dont got no ears. he was all like "holy shit" and he picked you up like a delicate little bunny and pushed you against the wall so your huge ass was sticking out. god it was so big it had its own gravitational pull. small household appliances began orbiting around your ass. "oh, there's the TV remote, i was looking for that for weeks" you sighed with relief. thank god for your Ass. sansta claus slapped your jiggly ass and it wobbled like fresh jello. he slammed his massive beef bazooka RIGHT up your poop chute and you meweled in pleasure. (idek how anal would even feel remotely good but whatever) it felt so good u started singing "whoa whoa wHOAA IT'S MAGIC YOU KNOWWWW" and yes it certainly was magic. your tongue was hanging out of your mouth and your eyes were rolling back. "MMM YAAAS SANSTA CLAUS, USE ME AS YOUR CUM DUMPSTER, OOBLBUGOHUBLFOAUGOGFUGOH"

sweet sweet cum dripped outta your slimy cock hole as Sansta put his cum stained pants back on.. The elves aren't gonna like doing this loada laundry huh? Well you placed a kiss on old man clinters forehead and bid hm adue. Unfrotunately for you, he dropped dead right there. Whoops.. you forgot he was allergic to walnuts.


End file.
